Miscellaneous | Wisdom, advice and proverbs

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Where there's smoke there's fire, except when it's a cook out.
Where there's smoke there's fire, except when it's a cook out.
People who think that they can run the earth should begin with a small garden.
People who think that they can run the earth should begin with a small garden.
Remember one thing about democracy, we can have anything we want
Remember one thing about democracy, we can have anything we want
and at the same time, we always end up with exactly what we deserve.
and at the same time, we always end up with exactly what we deserve.
Nature is an infinite sphere whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere.
Nature is an infinite sphere whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere.
The trouble with fiction is that it makes too much sense, whereas reality never makes sense.
The trouble with fiction is that it makes too much sense, whereas reality never makes sense.
A veterinarian is the only doctor who can diagnose without asking questions.
A veterinarian is the only doctor who can diagnose without asking questions.
Who sees the human face correctly: the photographer, the mirror, or the painter?
Who sees the human face correctly: the photographer, the mirror, or the painter?
If it weren't for the last minute, a lot of things wouldn't get done.
If it weren't for the last minute, a lot of things wouldn't get done.
Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.
Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.
What's right isn't always popular, what's popular isn't always right.
What's right isn't always popular, what's popular isn't always right.
In three words I can sum up everthing I've learned about life. It goes on.
In three words I can sum up everthing I've learned about life. It goes on.
No person was ever honored for what they received. Honor has been the reward for what they gave.
No person was ever honored for what they received. Honor has been the reward for what they gave.
Middle age is when you don't care where you go just so long as you're home by ten.
Middle age is when you don't care where you go just so long as you're home by ten.
Parents are all alike: first they try to get children to walk and talk, and then they try to get them to sit down and shut up.
Parents are all alike: first they try to get children to walk and talk, and then they try to get them to sit down and shut up.
Truth will rise above falsehood as oil above water.
Truth will rise above falsehood as oil above water.
The immature person want to die nobly for a cause, while the mature person wants to live humbly for one.
The immature person want to die nobly for a cause, while the mature person wants to live humbly for one.
The founding fathers who introduced freedom of speech hadn't the remotest idea of what would be said today.
The founding fathers who introduced freedom of speech hadn't the remotest idea of what would be said today.
You don't have to be an antique to appreciate them.
You don't have to be an antique to appreciate them.
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.
A small boy's definition of conscience: "Something that prompts you to tell your mother before your sister does."
A small boy's definition of conscience: "Something that prompts you to tell your mother before your sister does."
Nobody has ever thought out anything in the shower because it's too fast and too efficient.
Nobody has ever thought out anything in the shower because it's too fast and too efficient.
There are millions of Americans who are clever and fearless, but the trouble is they are only four years old.
There are millions of Americans who are clever and fearless, but the trouble is they are only four years old.
Americans spend more money on chewing gum than on books; if you want to know the reason why, read some of the books.
Americans spend more money on chewing gum than on books; if you want to know the reason why, read some of the books.
Proof is the bottom line for everyone.
Proof is the bottom line for everyone.
Freedom not to listen is sometimes even more precious a right than freedom of speech.
Freedom not to listen is sometimes even more precious a right than freedom of speech.
Nothing improves the weather like calling off a picnic.
Nothing improves the weather like calling off a picnic.
Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.
Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.
Summer is when you discover that the television show you missed last winter wasn't worth watching in the first place.
Summer is when you discover that the television show you missed last winter wasn't worth watching in the first place.
Random events tend to occur in groups.
Random events tend to occur in groups.
A stumble may prevent a fall.
A stumble may prevent a fall.
If you're ever undecided about something, flip a coin; not so that chance will decide it for you,
If you're ever undecided about something, flip a coin; not so that chance will decide it for you,
but because once that coin is in the air you'll suddenly know what you're hoping for.
but because once that coin is in the air you'll suddenly know what you're hoping for.
Some of the greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
Some of the greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
You can always find what you're not looking for.
You can always find what you're not looking for.
A man is always master in his own house - at least the first year of his life.
A man is always master in his own house - at least the first year of his life.
An empty stomach will not listen to anything.
An empty stomach will not listen to anything.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
All human wisdom can be summed up in two words: wait and hope.
All human wisdom can be summed up in two words: wait and hope.
Heredity is something you believe in if you have a very bright child.
Heredity is something you believe in if you have a very bright child.
The only person who listens to both sides of an argument is the person in the next apartment.
The only person who listens to both sides of an argument is the person in the next apartment.
Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.
Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.
There is only one thing as difficult as unscrambling an egg, that is unspreading a rumor.
There is only one thing as difficult as unscrambling an egg, that is unspreading a rumor.
Words are the pen of the heart, but music is the pen of the soul.
Words are the pen of the heart, but music is the pen of the soul.
We're all only fragile threads, but what a tapestry we make.
We're all only fragile threads, but what a tapestry we make.
There would be fewer agruments if more of us tried to determine what's right instead of who's right.
There would be fewer agruments if more of us tried to determine what's right instead of who's right.
If you believe what you hear, you are probably eavesdropping.
If you believe what you hear, you are probably eavesdropping.
Drinka pinta milka day.
Drinka pinta milka day.
In business, ther are four kinds of bees: queen bees, worker bees, drone, and consultant bees.
In business, ther are four kinds of bees: queen bees, worker bees, drone, and consultant bees.
Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.
Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.
The brook would lose it's song if the rocks were removed.
The brook would lose it's song if the rocks were removed.
Most people object to the speed of light - it comes too early in the morning.
Most people object to the speed of light - it comes too early in the morning.
"Exercise" is such a dirty word in my household that whenever I even think of it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
"Exercise" is such a dirty word in my household that whenever I even think of it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
A small town is the place where a person with a black eye doesn't have to explain - everyone knows.
A small town is the place where a person with a black eye doesn't have to explain - everyone knows.
Babies are nature's way of showing people what the world looks like at 2 a.m.
Babies are nature's way of showing people what the world looks like at 2 a.m.
The rooster isn't unpopular because he gets up early, it's because he has so much to say about it.
The rooster isn't unpopular because he gets up early, it's because he has so much to say about it.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Whoever says that money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop.
Whoever says that money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Thunder is just a noise; lightning does all the work.
Thunder is just a noise; lightning does all the work.
The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.
The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.
If you can laugh at it, you can live with it.
If you can laugh at it, you can live with it.
The biggest mistake you can make is to believe that you work for someone else.
The biggest mistake you can make is to believe that you work for someone else.
Many a teenager wonders what their parents were up to at their age that makes them so suspicious of them.
Many a teenager wonders what their parents were up to at their age that makes them so suspicious of them.
A teacher teaches a student to teach himself.
A teacher teaches a student to teach himself.
My Handprints
My Handprints
Any Man Can Be A Father, But It Takes Someone Special To Be A Daddy
Any Man Can Be A Father, But It Takes Someone Special To Be A Daddy
Anyone Can Drive A Car. But It Takes Someone Special To Drive A School Bus
Anyone Can Drive A Car. But It Takes Someone Special To Drive A School Bus
The Best Antiques Are Old Friends
The Best Antiques Are Old Friends
Cat Lovers Are PURRfect
Cat Lovers Are PURRfect
A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life
A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life
Countless Number Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and Gone On To Lead Normal Lives
Countless Number Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and Gone On To Lead Normal Lives
A Daughter Is A Little Girl Who Grows Up To Be Your Friend
A Daughter Is A Little Girl Who Grows Up To Be Your Friend
Dinner Will Be Ready When You Hear The Smoke Alarm Go Off
Dinner Will Be Ready When You Hear The Smoke Alarm Go Off
Don't Criticize Your Wife's judgment - Look Who She Married
Don't Criticize Your Wife's judgment - Look Who She Married
Don't Criticize The Coffee - You May Be Old And Weak Yourself Someday
Don't Criticize The Coffee - You May Be Old And Weak Yourself Someday
Don't Mess With The Cook’s Buns
Don't Mess With The Cook’s Buns
Don't Worry About A Little Gray Hare
Don't Worry About A Little Gray Hare
Forty Isn't Old If You're A Tree
Forty Isn't Old If You're A Tree
A Grandma Fills The World With Love
A Grandma Fills The World With Love
A Grandpa Is A Special Friend
A Grandpa Is A Special Friend
Housework Is The Crabgrass In The Lawn Of Life
Housework Is The Crabgrass In The Lawn Of Life
Husband And Cat Missing…. Reward For Cat
Husband And Cat Missing…. Reward For Cat
Husband And Dog Missing… Reward For Dog
Husband And Dog Missing… Reward For Dog
I Cook With Wine, Sometimes I Even Put It In The Food
I Cook With Wine, Sometimes I Even Put It In The Food
I Don't Do Mornings
I Don't Do Mornings
I Hate Four Letter Words... Like Cook, Bake, Dust, and Wash
I Hate Four Letter Words... Like Cook, Bake, Dust, and Wash
I Like My Bifocals, My Dentures Fit Me Fine, My Hearing Aid Is Perfect, But Lord I Miss My Mind.
I Like My Bifocals, My Dentures Fit Me Fine, My Hearing Aid Is Perfect, But Lord I Miss My Mind.
If Daddy Ain't Happy, Who Cares
If Daddy Ain't Happy, Who Cares
If I Had Known Grandchildren Were So Much Fun, I Would Have Had Them First
If I Had Known Grandchildren Were So Much Fun, I Would Have Had Them First
If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy
If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy
If Men Are God's Gift To Women, Then God Must Love Gag Gifts
If Men Are God's Gift To Women, Then God Must Love Gag Gifts
If You Don't Like My Standard of Cooking... Lower Your Standards
If You Don't Like My Standard of Cooking... Lower Your Standards
In The Cookies of Life, Good Friends Are The Chocolate Chips
In The Cookies of Life, Good Friends Are The Chocolate Chips
Men Are Only Good For One Thing, But How Often Do You Have To Parallel Park?
Men Are Only Good For One Thing, But How Often Do You Have To Parallel Park?
A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen And This Kitchen Is Delirious
A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen And This Kitchen Is Delirious
Mom, Somebody Called From Somewhere And Said To Call Back
Mom, Somebody Called From Somewhere And Said To Call Back
A Mother Is A Special Friend
A Mother Is A Special Friend
No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes
No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes
The Only Thing Better Than A Good Friend Is A Good Friend With A Bag Of M&Ms
The Only Thing Better Than A Good Friend Is A Good Friend With A Bag Of M&Ms
A Sister Is A Friend
A Sister Is A Friend
Teachers Are Special People
Teachers Are Special People
This House Is Cleaned Every Three Months Whether It Needs It Or Not
This House Is Cleaned Every Three Months Whether It Needs It Or Not
Three Reasons For Being A Teacher... June, July & August
Three Reasons For Being A Teacher... June, July & August
To A Friend's House, The Road Is Short
To A Friend's House, The Road Is Short
Today’s Menu: Two Choices - Take it or Leave it
Today’s Menu: Two Choices - Take it or Leave it
When Sweetness Fails And Tears Don't Work… Bitch!
When Sweetness Fails And Tears Don't Work… Bitch!
A Woman's Place Is In The Mall
A Woman's Place Is In The Mall
You Know You're Old When "Getting A Little Action" Means Your Prune Juice Is Working
You Know You're Old When "Getting A Little Action" Means Your Prune Juice Is Working
Your Friendship Is The Nicest Gift Of All
Your Friendship Is The Nicest Gift Of All
All Moms are Working Mothers
All Moms are Working Mothers
Anyone Who Says Money Can't Buy Happiness Doesn’t Know Where to Shop
Anyone Who Says Money Can't Buy Happiness Doesn’t Know Where to Shop
An Aunt is a Special Friend
An Aunt is a Special Friend
Chance Made Us Neighbors, Hearts Made Us Friends
Chance Made Us Neighbors, Hearts Made Us Friends
Daughter-In-Law...You Are The Love Of My Son's Life and Also My Friend
Daughter-In-Law...You Are The Love Of My Son's Life and Also My Friend
Dust is a Protective Covering
Dust is a Protective Covering
Dogs Come When They're Called, Cats Take a Message and Get Back To You
Dogs Come When They're Called, Cats Take a Message and Get Back To You
Friendship is One of Life's Greatest Treasures (with picture of cherries)
Friendship is One of Life's Greatest Treasures (with picture of cherries)
God Bless My Microwave
God Bless My Microwave
Guess What I Made for Dinner...Reservations
Guess What I Made for Dinner...Reservations
Happiness is Being Married to Your Best Friend
Happiness is Being Married to Your Best Friend
Help Keep the Kitchen Clean - Eat Out (with picture of cherries)
Help Keep the Kitchen Clean - Eat Out (with picture of cherries)
Housework Done Properly Can Kill You
Housework Done Properly Can Kill You
I Can't Be Overdrawn, I Still Have Some Checks
I Can't Be Overdrawn, I Still Have Some Checks
I Didn't Intend to Do a Thing Today and So Far I'm Right on Schedule
I Didn't Intend to Do a Thing Today and So Far I'm Right on Schedule
If You Don't Believe the Dead Come Back to Life, You Should Be Here at Quitting Time
If You Don't Believe the Dead Come Back to Life, You Should Be Here at Quitting Time
Just When a Mother Thinks Her Work is Done She Becomes a Grandmother
Just When a Mother Thinks Her Work is Done She Becomes a Grandmother
Life is Like an Ice Cream Cone...Just When You Think You've Got It Licked, It Drips on You
Life is Like an Ice Cream Cone...Just When You Think You've Got It Licked, It Drips on You
My Next Husband Will Be Normal
My Next Husband Will Be Normal
Neighbors are Friends Nearby
Neighbors are Friends Nearby
Never Try To Teach a Pig To Sing, It Wastes Your Time and Annoys the Pig
Never Try To Teach a Pig To Sing, It Wastes Your Time and Annoys the Pig
One Beautiful Person and One Old Grouch Live Here
One Beautiful Person and One Old Grouch Live Here
Our Hearts Are Next Door Neighbors Though Our Homes Are Miles Apart
Our Hearts Are Next Door Neighbors Though Our Homes Are Miles Apart
Show Me a House That's Excruciatingly Clean, and I'll Show You an Older, Female Relative About To Visit It
Show Me a House That's Excruciatingly Clean, and I'll Show You an Older, Female Relative About To Visit It
Some Mornings I Wake Up Grouchy, Other Mornings I Let Him Sleep
Some Mornings I Wake Up Grouchy, Other Mornings I Let Him Sleep
Someday We'll Look Back On All This and Laugh Our Buns Off
Someday We'll Look Back On All This and Laugh Our Buns Off
Teacher's Motto: When All Else Fails, Pray For a Fire Drill
Teacher's Motto: When All Else Fails, Pray For a Fire Drill
Time Will Pass and We May Part, But True Friends Stay Close at Heart
Time Will Pass and We May Part, But True Friends Stay Close at Heart
What Part of No Don't You Understand?
What Part of No Don't You Understand?
Working For the Lord Doesn't Pay Much but the Retirement Plan is Out of This World
Working For the Lord Doesn't Pay Much but the Retirement Plan is Out of This World
Mother-In-Law: How Lucky We Are, How Fortunate We've Been, That You Are His Mother, And Also My Friend
Mother-In-Law: How Lucky We Are, How Fortunate We've Been, That You Are His Mother, And Also My Friend
My Family Eats From The 3 Basic Food Groups - Frozen, Canned, And Take Out
My Family Eats From The 3 Basic Food Groups - Frozen, Canned, And Take Out
You Are All We Hoped A Son-In-Law Would Be - A Very Special Member Of Our Family
You Are All We Hoped A Son-In-Law Would Be - A Very Special Member Of Our Family
Motherhood Is Not For Wimps
Motherhood Is Not For Wimps
If Everything Is Coming Your Way, You're Probably In The Wrong Lane
If Everything Is Coming Your Way, You're Probably In The Wrong Lane
At My Age Happy Hour Is Naptime
At My Age Happy Hour Is Naptime
Every Problem Has Its Price But If You Worry About It You Pay Double
Every Problem Has Its Price But If You Worry About It You Pay Double
My Goal In Life Is To Weigh What My Driver's License Says I Do
My Goal In Life Is To Weigh What My Driver's License Says I Do
Dad - A Son's First Hero, A Daughter's First Love
Dad - A Son's First Hero, A Daughter's First Love
You Know You're In Trouble When You Look Like The Picture On Your Driver's License
You Know You're In Trouble When You Look Like The Picture On Your Driver's License
I Never Repeat Gossip So Listen Carefully The First Time
I Never Repeat Gossip So Listen Carefully The First Time
Money Isn't Everything But It Sure Keeps The Children In Touch
Money Isn't Everything But It Sure Keeps The Children In Touch
The Secret To Staying Young Is To Find An Age You Really Like And Stick With It
The Secret To Staying Young Is To Find An Age You Really Like And Stick With It
Middle Age Is When You Choose Your Cereal For The Fiber, Not The Toy
Middle Age Is When You Choose Your Cereal For The Fiber, Not The Toy
I've Been On A Diet For Two Weeks And So Far All I've Lost Is Fourteen Days
I've Been On A Diet For Two Weeks And So Far All I've Lost Is Fourteen Days
The Opinions Expressed By The Husband Of This House
The Opinions Expressed By The Husband Of This House
Are Not Necessarily Those Of The Management
Are Not Necessarily Those Of The Management
Count Your Age By Friends Not Years - Happy Birthday
Count Your Age By Friends Not Years - Happy Birthday
Life Is Uncertain, Eat Dessert First
Life Is Uncertain, Eat Dessert First
If This Is The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life, I'm In A Lot Of Trouble
If This Is The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life, I'm In A Lot Of Trouble
If God Had Meant Us To Be Thin, He Wouldn't Have Created Chocolate
If God Had Meant Us To Be Thin, He Wouldn't Have Created Chocolate
Thank You For Being So Thoughtful
Thank You For Being So Thoughtful
A Brother Is A Special Friend
A Brother Is A Special Friend
You're A Son To Be Proud Of
You're A Son To Be Proud Of
Good Times With Good Friends Make The Best Memories
Good Times With Good Friends Make The Best Memories
Call Your Mother!
Call Your Mother!
Sailing - The Fine Art of Getting Wet And Becoming ill While Slowly Going Nowhere At Great Expense
Sailing - The Fine Art of Getting Wet And Becoming ill While Slowly Going Nowhere At Great Expense
Hunters Will Do Anything For A Buck
Hunters Will Do Anything For A Buck
Tennis Is My Racquet
Tennis Is My Racquet
Bowlers Love To Strike Out
Bowlers Love To Strike Out
(Golf) If It Goes Right It's A Slice, If It Goes Left It's A Hook, If It Goes Straight It's A Miracle
(Golf) If It Goes Right It's A Slice, If It Goes Left It's A Hook, If It Goes Straight It's A Miracle
(Golf) I Usually Play Golf In the 70's, When It Gets Colder Than That, I Quit
(Golf) I Usually Play Golf In the 70's, When It Gets Colder Than That, I Quit
(Fishing) Wanted - Good Woman Who Can: Cook, Sew, Clean Fish, Has Boat And Motor - Send Photo Of Boat And Motor!
(Fishing) Wanted - Good Woman Who Can: Cook, Sew, Clean Fish, Has Boat And Motor - Send Photo Of Boat And Motor!
Fisherman's Creed: Early To Bed, Early To Rise, Fish All Day, Make Up Lies
Fisherman's Creed: Early To Bed, Early To Rise, Fish All Day, Make Up Lies
Music Teachers Give Sound Advice
Music Teachers Give Sound Advice
If Love Can't Cure It, Nurses Can
If Love Can't Cure It, Nurses Can
And On The Eighth Day God Created Firefighters
And On The Eighth Day God Created Firefighters
And On The Eighth Day God Created Police Officers
And On The Eighth Day God Created Police Officers
And On The Eighth Day God Created EMS Personnel
And On The Eighth Day God Created EMS Personnel
World's Greatest Secretary
World's Greatest Secretary
A Good Hair Stylist Is A Shear Delight
A Good Hair Stylist Is A Shear Delight
(Garage Sales) My Husband Says If I Go To One More Garage Sale He'll Leave Me... I'll Miss Him
(Garage Sales) My Husband Says If I Go To One More Garage Sale He'll Leave Me... I'll Miss Him
After Fifty It's Patch, Patch, Patch
After Fifty It's Patch, Patch, Patch
Thanks For Not Smoking
Thanks For Not Smoking
Left-Handers Are The Only People In Their Right Minds
Left-Handers Are The Only People In Their Right Minds
Nurses Can Really Take The Pressure!
Nurses Can Really Take The Pressure!
Godmothers Are A Special Blessing From God
Godmothers Are A Special Blessing From God
Happiness Is Yelling BINGO
Happiness Is Yelling BINGO
Volunteers Take The Time To Lend A Helping Hand
Volunteers Take The Time To Lend A Helping Hand
I Get My Exercise From Spectator Sports!
I Get My Exercise From Spectator Sports!
Retirement Is A Full-Time Job
Retirement Is A Full-Time Job
Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You Sleep Alone!
Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You Sleep Alone!
I'm At The Age When The Gray-Haired Person I Help Across The Street Is My Spouse
I'm At The Age When The Gray-Haired Person I Help Across The Street Is My Spouse
A man's home is his castle until the queen arrives
A man's home is his castle until the queen arrives
A Granddaughter Fills Our Lives With Joy, Our Hearts With Love
A Granddaughter Fills Our Lives With Joy, Our Hearts With Love
Take Time To Enjoy The Simple Things
Take Time To Enjoy The Simple Things
Over The Hill? I Don't Remember Any Hill
Over The Hill? I Don't Remember Any Hill
If You Were Not My Sister-In-Law, You Would Still Be My Good Friend
If You Were Not My Sister-In-Law, You Would Still Be My Good Friend
When I was a kid I could toast marshmallows over my birthday candles. Now I could roast a turkey
When I was a kid I could toast marshmallows over my birthday candles. Now I could roast a turkey
Nobody notices what I do... until I don't do it
Nobody notices what I do... until I don't do it
Men are like Beanie Babies... They're cheap, their heads are mushy, and the really cute ones are hard to find
Men are like Beanie Babies... They're cheap, their heads are mushy, and the really cute ones are hard to find
I'd Like To Live Life In The Fast Lane But I'm Married To A Speed Bump
I'd Like To Live Life In The Fast Lane But I'm Married To A Speed Bump
When Mom Says No ... Call 1-800-Grandma
When Mom Says No ... Call 1-800-Grandma
A Hug Is A Great Gift-One Size Fits All And It's Easy To Exchange
A Hug Is A Great Gift-One Size Fits All And It's Easy To Exchange
Grandchildren spoiled here!
Grandchildren spoiled here!
It Sure Does Make The Day Long When You Get To work On Time!
It Sure Does Make The Day Long When You Get To work On Time!
A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The Impression He Just Cleaned The whole House
A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The Impression He Just Cleaned The whole House
I Only Feel Stress At Two Times-Day and Night!
I Only Feel Stress At Two Times-Day and Night!
My Idea Of Exercise Is A Good Brisk Sit!
My Idea Of Exercise Is A Good Brisk Sit!
Direction in my life means deciding which road to take to the mall
Direction in my life means deciding which road to take to the mall
I’ll Stop Procrastinating ... Tomorrow!
I’ll Stop Procrastinating ... Tomorrow!
I Wanted It All ... I Was A Fool!
I Wanted It All ... I Was A Fool!
I've been shopping all my life and still have nothing to wear
I've been shopping all my life and still have nothing to wear
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either
Lying about my age is easier now since I sometimes forget what it is
Lying about my age is easier now since I sometimes forget what it is
Give your troubles to God... He'll be up all night anyway
Give your troubles to God... He'll be up all night anyway
My idea of roughing it is when room service is late!
My idea of roughing it is when room service is late!
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
Carrot cake counts as a serving of vegetables.
Carrot cake counts as a serving of vegetables.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
You can eat off my floor ... there are crumbs everywhere!
You can eat off my floor ... there are crumbs everywhere!
You know you're having a bad day when you feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere
You know you're having a bad day when you feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere
Shopping: The fine art of acquiring things you don't need with money you don't have.
Shopping: The fine art of acquiring things you don't need with money you don't have.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
I have one nerve left, and you're getting on it!
I have one nerve left, and you're getting on it!
Some people like to spend ... others like to save ... unfortunately they tend to marry each other!
Some people like to spend ... others like to save ... unfortunately they tend to marry each other!
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life ... unless I buy something!
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life ... unless I buy something!
You need to diet when you're voted most likely to blot out the sun!
You need to diet when you're voted most likely to blot out the sun!
You know you're over the hill when the only whistles you get are from the tea kettle.
You know you're over the hill when the only whistles you get are from the tea kettle.
Whenever I feel like cleaning, I lie down until the feeling goes away.
Whenever I feel like cleaning, I lie down until the feeling goes away.
Chocolate - it's not just for breakfast anymore.
Chocolate - it's not just for breakfast anymore.
Women don't work as long and hard as men ... they do it right the first time.
Women don't work as long and hard as men ... they do it right the first time.
If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.
If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.
Good men are like martians - you hear a lot about them, but you've never really seen one.
Good men are like martians - you hear a lot about them, but you've never really seen one.
Men make all the important decisions ... Women decide what's important.
Men make all the important decisions ... Women decide what's important.
Team effort: A lot of people doing what I say
Team effort: A lot of people doing what I say
Give a man an inch and he thinks he's a ruler
Give a man an inch and he thinks he's a ruler
Please! Do not touch the top of the refrigerator ... important dust-settling measurement in progress!
Please! Do not touch the top of the refrigerator ... important dust-settling measurement in progress!
School days are the happiest days of your life, provided of course, your kids are old enough to go.
School days are the happiest days of your life, provided of course, your kids are old enough to go.
The kids were allergic to the cat, so we gave away the kids.
The kids were allergic to the cat, so we gave away the kids.
Give a man a fish and you can feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you can get rid of him every weekend.
Give a man a fish and you can feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you can get rid of him every weekend.
The perfect man ... he's quiet, he's sweet, and if he gives you any touble, you can bite off his head (With picture of gingerbread man)
The perfect man ... he's quiet, he's sweet, and if he gives you any touble, you can bite off his head (With picture of gingerbread man)
My wife says I never listen to her ... at least I think that's what she said.
My wife says I never listen to her ... at least I think that's what she said.
I yell because I care!
I yell because I care!
I'm not bossy - I just have great ideas!
I'm not bossy - I just have great ideas!
Leftovers: food stored in the refrigerator until it's old enough to be thrown away.
Leftovers: food stored in the refrigerator until it's old enough to be thrown away.
Deadline for all complaints was yesterday.
Deadline for all complaints was yesterday.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
You'll always be my best friend - you know too much.
You'll always be my best friend - you know too much.
Historical marker - in this room on June 30, 1971 a marital argument was won by the man of the house.
Historical marker - in this room on June 30, 1971 a marital argument was won by the man of the house.
Since I've used all my sick days, I'm in dead.
Since I've used all my sick days, I'm in dead.
The queen doesn't cook.
The queen doesn't cook.
House rules - this is my house and I make the rules Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
House rules - this is my house and I make the rules Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
I can always tell a well-informed person, his views are the same as mine.
I can always tell a well-informed person, his views are the same as mine.
If God had wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
If God had wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
The man who can smile when things go wrong has probably thought of someone he can blame it on.
The man who can smile when things go wrong has probably thought of someone he can blame it on.
Some people are so narrow-minded their ears rub together.
Some people are so narrow-minded their ears rub together.
The last time I cooked this ... hardly anyone got sick.
The last time I cooked this ... hardly anyone got sick.
I do my work at the same time each day ... the last minute!
I do my work at the same time each day ... the last minute!
I love you more today than yesterday ... yesterday you really got on my nerves!
I love you more today than yesterday ... yesterday you really got on my nerves!
Gardeners know the best dirt!
Gardeners know the best dirt!
When life goes to pieces, try quilting.
When life goes to pieces, try quilting.
Good friends are like fine quilts - they seem to age with you, yet they never lose their warmth.
Good friends are like fine quilts - they seem to age with you, yet they never lose their warmth.
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
I'm not jogging for health reasons - my thighs rubbed together so much it caught my underwear on fire.
I'm not jogging for health reasons - my thighs rubbed together so much it caught my underwear on fire.
There's nothing wrong with me a little ice cream won't fix.
There's nothing wrong with me a little ice cream won't fix.
A woman who is looking for a husband never had one.
A woman who is looking for a husband never had one.
If you're smoking in this house, you'd better be on fire.
If you're smoking in this house, you'd better be on fire.
Home is where you keep your stuff while you're out getting more stuff.
Home is where you keep your stuff while you're out getting more stuff.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the queen.
All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the queen.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
And thou shall have dominion over all the beasts - except, of course, for cats.
And thou shall have dominion over all the beasts - except, of course, for cats.
Don't try to get on my good side - I don't have one.
Don't try to get on my good side - I don't have one.
I believe in miracles ... keeping this place clean is one of them.
I believe in miracles ... keeping this place clean is one of them.
If you are grouchy, irritable, or just plain mean, there will be a $10 charge for putting up with you.
If you are grouchy, irritable, or just plain mean, there will be a $10 charge for putting up with you.
Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of life.
Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of life.
It's not an empty nest until they get their stuff out of the basement
It's not an empty nest until they get their stuff out of the basement
I'm a golf widow. My husband wouldn't stop playing golf so I had to kill him.
I'm a golf widow. My husband wouldn't stop playing golf so I had to kill him.
In my next life, I'm going to have more memory installed.
In my next life, I'm going to have more memory installed.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of tasks. As of today I am so far behind, I will never die.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of tasks. As of today I am so far behind, I will never die.
I've always wanted to be somebody. I guess I just wasn't specific enough.
I've always wanted to be somebody. I guess I just wasn't specific enough.
Be nice to your kids - they pick your nursing home.
Be nice to your kids - they pick your nursing home.
I love to hear those three little words - let's eat out.
I love to hear those three little words - let's eat out.
My next house will have no kitchen -just vending machines.
My next house will have no kitchen -just vending machines.
If I could choose from all the mothers in the world, Mom, I'd choose you.
If I could choose from all the mothers in the world, Mom, I'd choose you.
Families are like quilts - lives pieced together, stitched with memories, and bound by love.
Families are like quilts - lives pieced together, stitched with memories, and bound by love.
Friends listen with their hearts.
Friends listen with their hearts.
An angel's work is never done.
An angel's work is never done.
My gift you see, ...
My gift you see, Is part of me, That I want to share with you.
So when I'm old, ...
So when I'm old, You won't need to be told, Of the days when I was two. Apple Pie
Oh Lord, make me a child again, ...
Oh Lord, make me a child again, For one Sunday afternoon. Let me sit at my mother's table, On a summer's day in June.
Let me smell once more the sizzling roast, ...
Let me smell once more the sizzling roast, Let me see it with my eye. Let me taste again the sheer delight Of Mom's homemade apple pie.
Happy hearts and happy faces, ...
Happy hearts and happy faces, Happy play in grassy places. A rose can say "I Love You", Orchids can enthrall, But a weed bouquet in a chubby fist Oh my, that says it all. If only we knew, as we later do That these years are the best. If only we knew, as we later do Our childhood years are blessed.
How Do I Love You?
How do I love you? Let me count the ways; I love you on your very best And very worst of days.
I love to see you laughing
And dancing in the rain, And even if you make a mess I love you just the same.
I love to hear you sing, ...
I love to hear you sing, I love to see you smile, I love the way you take each day In your own unhurried style.
I'm happy when you're happy
I'm sorry when you're sad And even though it may not show I love you when you're bad.
I love to watch you sleeping
Tucked away in dreams I love to hear you whisper All your future hopes and dreams.
I love to watch you play
And all your silly ways I'm sure you'll never know How much I love you more each day.
How do I love you?
It's impossible to say; For if I had a million days And time enough for all the praise I couldn't tell you all the ways I love you. From small beginnings come great things. We never know the love of our parents for us until we become parents. Cleaning your house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. Children are God's way of telling you tomorrow is beautiful. Happy hearts and happy faces, Happy play in grassy places, That was how, in ancient ages, Children grew to kings and sages. The laughter of a child is the light of a house. Children look at the world with their perfect little hearts. What feeling is so nice as a child's hand in yours? So small, so soft and warm, like a kitten huddling in the shelter of your clasp. Childhood will be gone before you know it. The fingerprints on the wall appear higher and higher. Then suddenly they disappear. My children are in two places --on my nerves and in my heart. Believe in children. There is faith in their eyes, love in their eyes, love in their touch, kindness in their gestures. Thrill with them at life's big and small moments...hold them close. Mothers, touch your children, Fathers, hug them tight, Let them know you love them Morning, noon, and night. When the voices of children Are heard on the green And laughing is heard on the hill, My heart is at rest within my breast And everything else is still. Walking Walking walking walking walking, Seems so easy now, But I remember when I was small, And I did not know how.
I would take two steps and then fall down, ...
I would take two steps and then fall down, And bump my bottom on the ground, My dad would say, "That's okay," "Try some more another day."
I would take two steps and then two more, ...
I would take two steps and then two more, And fall down on the kitchen floor, But up I'd stand, dust my hands, And tell myself I know I can. Fingerprints Sometimes you get discouraged Because I am so small And always leave my fingerprints On furniture and walls But every day I'm growing I'll be grown up some day And all those tiny handprints Will surely fade away So here's a final handprint Just so you can recall Exactly how my fingers looked When I was very small. Patience Give me patience when little hands, Tug at me with small demands, Give me gentle words and smiling eyes And keep my lips from sharp replies, So in years to come when my house is still Beautiful memories it's rooms may fill. After Forty It's A Matter Of Maintenance